My Life

Wow,

I have no life. Really.

While changing the description of me on this blog, I realised that I am governed by everything that happens in school, nothing that I can think of is of my own. ARGH... identity crisis

Who am I?

Member of RV, RIICC, B.E.A.T.S., CDC? No identity of my own, or maybe I just choose not to have it.

I am not much of a socializer, meaning I like to keep to myself and I might even have trouble communicating with others. Need to get out more even if I dun like it...

I don't know. Ever since I enlisted in the regime of Singapore education, I have felt this sense that I do not belong and never will. I cannot say that I have firm friends, even those people that are around me, with me all the time in school seem to like spending time with other people more than with me. I am not saying that that is wrong or someone needs to talk to me more. But I am just thinking: is there something wrong with me? Is there something within myself that I need to change?

Going to school or to CCA, I feel like I am putting on a mask, a show for everyone that is around me. I may seem fine to most of you people out there, but deep down, I know that there is something wrong with myself. I feel left out sometimes, rejected by people, basically something that I have always reflected when doing personal reflections. You people that are reading this post, if you went on the choir trip in 2005 to Germany and remember the reflection that Mr. Toh made us do, this is what I wrote in the reflection. Our choir teacher in charge, Mrs. Koh at that time, told me to try being a bit more outgoing and try to be part of the group. Socialize more and try more.

I feel weird every time I go out with people: dunno what to say, dunno what to do. Perhaps this is because of the fear I have in hurting others, or in doing something stupid, hurt myself emotionally and mentally.

A wordy post here, but trust me, this is as frank as I will ever get. Don't get me wrong people, I am not shouting out for attention here. It is my choice to be this person that I am, maybe feeling a little emo right now, but I will be fine in the near future.

:)