Reflections

"When will my reflection show, who I am inside?" Mulan, from the aptly named Disney movie - Mulan.

Time once again for my weekly reflection. I'm going to try to tone down the emo-ness for this one.

It's 5.50pm on the second day of the holidays and all I have done so far is work, work and more work. I am beginning to wonder the wisdom of taking two RAs in an already hectic JC life.

I'm not that smart. I don't work as hard as many others do. I walk around, seeing people reading textbooks, churning out answers to the many questions on our worksheets. I sit around, listening to people pouring out facts about stuff I never knew existed.

Am I inadequate? Or have I not done enough?

In a class full of really, really good people (I mean this both academically and as human beings), I can't help but feel that I am somehow lacking. I am neither sociable nor academically inclined, I try too hard to fit in sometimes but never do.

What else am I lacking? Well, I can't tell right now. It is a journey, like my journey through Raffles Institution (my English showcase portfolio theme!). I have learnt much about myself from my experience in RI,but as I grow further from the people I have spent four years with and try to forge new relationships with new people, I have to change and mature as well.

I have to learn more about myself. I need to understand myself better.

Isn't that what life is all about? We go about our result oriented life, moving from project to project, assignment to assignment, losing ourselves in the process. We become what people want us to be, but fail to become what we were meant to be.

Sadly, as I trudge on the path to the ultimate end, I feel myself changing in ways I never imagined. I am becoming different, but is this truly me?

It is interesting how I can pour out what I truly feel into this blog, exposing my feelings to the world as a whole. And yet, I can never find someone mortal that I can truly confide in.

I have spent 12 minutes (and counting) typing out this post. Have I achieved anything from it? Maybe not.